I used to like Christmas. I used to love waking up and getting presents. But now that I have to participate, like actually buy something, it sucks. My money is flying away faster than I could ever imagine. I get a check and it's gone before I even blink. I can barely find money to feed myself because I'm going around buying presents for everybody and they're grandmother.

Ho ho ho

Christmas sucks. 

One life 

One shot

Russian roulette

Today was a good day

A customer came in my line the other day and seemed upset. I asked what's wrong. He then started to explain that he hates the direction humans are going. I was confused at first. Didn't understand. But as he continued to talk, I began to understand. He hated the way humans are consistently connected to some form of technology. He couldn't understand why people can't take out their headphones when they approach the register. He hated how people necks are forever bent, heads down, eyes glued, peering into the illuminated screens of their cellphones. It pissed him off how he would see people sitting at tables together, not communicating, but writing comments on statuses. He hates technology. He told me he went from an iPhone to a basic flip phone. He doesn't internet shop anymore. He'd rather go to the store, touch the cart, say excuse to the customers in his way, speak to the cashier, and grab his merchandise as he exits he store.

This encounter happened a few days ago and lasted for no more than five minutes, but it really stayed with me.

This world we live is ruled by technology. We believe we control it because technology needs us to operate. However, it's the complete opposite. We are controlled by the internet, our phones, the TV. When our phone sounds, we rush to answer it, our bodies becoming anxious at who it could be that called or texted. We stop everything we're doing just to not miss our favorite show. When we're bored, instead of going to see a friend, we go on Instagram and Facebook and Twitter and flip the through the endless channels of DirecTv. 

We've become a generation of hunched beings that panic and become lost whenever our phones are not with us.

It's sad. 

I've become a victim of it myself. It's hard for me to disconnect myself the technology I've been raised around. But I'll try. I'll try to become a human again and rebuild the ability to have natural interactions with the world around me.

I'll try to be human again. 

Currently on my way to work. It's not that cold, but then again, I am sitting on a heated bus wearing a hoodie and a thick coat. There's a lot of people on the bus today. All bundled up like I am. Hats with snowflakes. Scarves wrapped around and tucked into coats. Gloves early fitted on top of fingers. The bus driver isn't wearing much, just the regular blue MTA shirt, black pants, and badge. I wonder if he's cold. 

It's a weird color in the sky right now. It's one of those funky grey blue colors, as if it's just about to snow while the sun sets. The stars that are the street light twinkle and illuminate that funky grey blue. The cars, they're rushing with their own lights, looking like shooting stars of the Earth. 

It's calm outside of this bus. 

Very calm.

Peaceful almost........if the wind wouldn't blow so hard, forcing me to shove every visible part of me into my rusty orange coat.

I'm about to get off the bus. 

Let me get ready for the wind.......

It's the first of December. It's the beginning of the end of the year. There's so much I've done this year but so much hasn't been accomplished. I wonder how much I can get done by the end of the year.......

Peace.......

You're not needed.......